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    16 Replies Latest reply on Jan 13, 2009 1:13 AM by jeremyv

    Rejection!!! Now turned into Fear!!! How do we Handle it?

    borrowedtime Adventurer
      Rejection after Rejection, in our Business, Relationships, etcs. Now theres fear, doubt, depression, no self worth. How do we fix it, get over it, get the fire back into our determination and belief ?There has to be answers. Is it books, mentors , god, our community right here to support us. Any body been there done that! Found the answers? Please comment with your thoughts.I'm still struggling but REFUSE to give up! But boy does this get you discouraged. My moto for today " Cryin but still Tryin"
        • Re: Rejection!!! Now turned into Fear!!! How do we Handle it?
          Lighthouse24 Ranger

          From my perspective, rejection is just Nature's way of saying that whatever I'm doing is wrong. Stress, fear, doubt, depression and all that are Nature's way of saying that whatever I'm doing is STILL wrong. If I want a different result than I've been getting, I have to DO something that's different than what I've been doing. If I don't know what to do differently, then I have to LEARN.

          Nearly nine out of ten adults haven't read a non-fiction book since high school (source: Association of American Publishers). Nine out of ten people who post questions in these forums ignore or argue with the advice they're given. There are a lot of people who don't want to learn anything, or do anything differently. They want the world to work they way THEY think it should -- instead of the way it does. So they're stuck . . . until they make a decision to get unstuck.

          Getting unstuck means seeking help and learning from a source that has the right knowledge, skills, experience, and judgment. Since only a very small percentage of people are willing to admit that they're stuck, and then to truly listen and learn, the supply of resources available to help and teach them far exceeds the demand in most cases. So for anyone who asks wisely, help is there and learning can happen quickly. Further, once they learn what they need to know (that they didn't know before), they gain a phenomenal edge over that 90 percent of their "competition" who don't or won't ever learn it. Things just get easier after that.

          Anyway, those are MY thoughts on the subject . . .
          • Re: Rejection!!! Now turned into Fear!!! How do we Handle it?
            your_web_guy Adventurer
            okay, i know this is going to sound symplistic, but seriously hear me out before you decide i am a crack pot...

            Shave your mustache!

            When i was young and in car sales i hit a serious slump. I couldnt close a door much less a car deal. I went in to my bosses office one day ready to quit and started telling him my woes. He looked at me and said "i know how to fix this. But before i tell you how you have to promise me that you will do it and do it right now, agreed?" Well i was desprate so i was ready to do anything so i agreed. He handed me a razor and said go to the bathroom and shave your mustache. I thought he was nuts, but i had promised so i went and did it. When i came back out i asked him what was going on. He explained to me that the mustache was bad luck and now that it was gone my slump would be as well. I went home that night more convenced than ever that not only was i in the wrong line of work, but my boss was nutso too.

            the next morning i got ready and went to the dealership. I was ready for another bad day of rejection and no money. But in the back of my mind i thought maybe... just maybe my boss wasnt nuts and that he might be on to something.

            The next person who walked on the lot i sold a car to and got a huge comission.

            I ran into my bosses office and exclaimed "DUDE! how did you know my mustache was bad luck?!!?" He said of course your mustache has nothing to do with it... you were just in a rut and neede something... anything to be different to break you out of it and it worked.

            To this day, any time i get into a slump or start feeling down i change something. be it my hair style, my clothing, my route to work, something anything.

            My advice... shave your mustache or grow one or something dramatic to get you out of the rut... its not magic.... but it sure seems like it.
              • Re: Rejection!!! Now turned into Fear!!! How do we Handle it?
                BrassJmes Adventurer
                your_web_guy, I totally agree
                Whenever in life I felt completely disheatened. People and situations got me completely down, all it took was one thingto cheer me up
                Be it a physical change (working out improved my records) or some praise for my work from someone not completely biased. made that first step toward the right path. and got me out of my failure state of mind and self esteem

                I even noticed on occasion that even if im completely down, nervous and depressed I would force myself to smile. physically. I began to notice my mood uplifiting too

                My advice is don't give up! find a way to get yourself out of the dump
                If its a big change, a small change, some support from family or friends.. something... find it

       \\ |
              • Re: Rejection!!! Now turned into Fear!!! How do we Handle it?
                DomainDiva Ranger

                Rejection for my start up consisted of three years' worth of no, that's a dumb idea, no one wants that, no one will pay for that, you are crazy, ad nauseum. I had a guy ready to go to get started, and then one day I had an offer of investment. Although it was not a lot of money for a tech start up, my guy saioh no honey we are going and we are going NOW... Talk about scared something...less (wink). I still wake up at 2AM going what have I done? I have cashed in my IRA money, sold some jewels, borrowed money, gave out shares, bought computer equipment (Best Buy zero percent is great, Citibank is not far behind...)

                I guess the one thing that helped me through was the chapter in Guy Kawasakis book Rules for Revolutionaries about dumb ideas and dumb things: The apple computer, the lightbulb, xerox machine, fax machine, automobile. So I figured that if all that stuff was called stupid and became rousing successes, then my little biz app was going to become a success as well.

                When I was going through an awful time and had those pesky panic attacks I would talk myself out of them using the littany against fear in the Dune series. Really. I still use it if things get weird, which they are right now....we are ready to go to beta test, launch at a global aviation meeting in March (I Nearly choked when my event coordinator called last night and told me it was 4000 for a 10x10 space and the design guy wants double that!!). On top of that, my next lease return has been cancelled.

                My experience teaches me, that the worse the time at present, the better the blessing and reward in the future. One day you will see that little speck of light at the end of the tunnel, just keep going, doing what you do to make it. You will come out on the other side. I promise. You will have learned some incredible life lessons about yourself and other people. You will know yourself better and you will also know who your friends are. Make a list of steps and go one at a time. I have a list of steps as well. Sometimes theres only one on the list, but I do not have to sit around and make decisions.

                Thanks for your have helped me today as well. Hang in there honey, you are not alone.

                BTW I have this posted in my office: I live by it.

                DO OR DO NOT...THERE IS NO TRY. yoda

                Loose the words try, and what if. Dry the eyes, get some cold water, get up, get dressed and show up. Thats 90% of the battle won right there.

                Please keep us posted. Best DD
                • Re: Rejection!!! Now turned into Fear!!! How do we Handle it?
                  Bridge Navigator
                  In my line of work, we make a lot of sales calls and rejection is the norm.

                  When talking with new associates who are discouraged, I always use a sports analogy.

                  Sales is NOT basketball. In basketball, if you make 7 of 10 freethrows, a 70% success ratio, you are below average.

                  Sales is more like baseball, a much harder game. In baseball, if you FAIL 70% of the time or rather hit "only" .300, you are an allstar. Heck, if you hit.300 for your career, you will probably end up in the Hall of Fame. And to top it off, in baseball, the defense control the ball - you can only hit what is thrown to you, there is a lot of things out of your control. Sales, like baseball is a thinking persons game and although you can get up to bat, the client really controls the ball.

                  Best of luck, I hope you hit the next one out of the park!

                  • Re: Rejection!!! Now turned into Fear!!! How do we Handle it?
                    Patience Newbie

                    Don't take it personal. You are not alone. I am experiencing the same responses!! However, I try to learn from each and keep moving forward. Perhaps, the time isn't right, perhaps I am being taught patience, perhaps...perhaps...perhaps. I keep searching and trying. Last but most importantly, I depend on God and "know" that in His time, it will all work out.
                    • Re: Rejection!!! Now turned into Fear!!! How do we Handle it?
                      borrowedtime Adventurer
                      Hi Everyone
                      Thank You so very much for your responds, they are all very good advise and I plan to use everyone's advise. One thing at time. You all probably have experienced the same things like this in some shape or form. I dont even talk to people I know anymore.This is the response I get from them just as a matter of speaking of course.I don't do this but they tell me "Put the Crack Pipe Down and Walk Away". "Stop living in a pipe Dream". This does motivate me to prove them wrong, but when constient rejection I Get so down. I will show every one of these suckers that don't have to believe in me. But I DO. I will prevail! Again thank you everyone for the incouraging words, you just don't know how much you all have touched my life. You know what my News Years Resolution is going to be!. I don't have to put the crack pipe down because I never used it or picked it up, but I am GOING TO WALK AWAY from everyone of them . You all have made me such a better person, Thank You. PS I went window shopping today (can't afford anything else) and you know what it felt so GOOD. Happy Holidays to everyone and God Bless you ALL. This is the season for me to reconnect with God!
                      • Re: Rejection!!! Now turned into Fear!!! How do we Handle it?
                        I have experienced this having started my own business.

                        I guess in the end, my logic has been that if someone doesn't buy my services that's a shame for THEM. THEY will miss out on my excellent skills, experience, results etc.

                        Also (and its easy to forget), there ARE a lot of tyre kickers out there and people who want your services for free and there are others who will lead you on and still you end up with nothing. Its important to remember you haven't been rejected personally and there may be heaps of different reasons that are totally irrelevant to you why there was no sale - think of those nonsales like George Costanza "its not you, its me". Because more often than not it really is about them - i.e.) no budget, spending freeze etc.

                        Hope this helps.
                        • Re: Rejection!!! Now turned into Fear!!! How do we Handle it?
                          RetireW.Carla Newbie
                          All of the suggestions you made are good ones!!

                          One of my mainstays has been a mastermind team.
                          They have been supportive and helpful in all the situations.

                          I too had to walk away from all of my negative know it all friends...
                          however the best part is I now have helpful supportive friends.

                          Out with the Old and in the with the new....
                          I am very glad to have my new friends in my life.

                          stay connected with a couple of people on this forum...
                          they might be the start of your first mastermind team.

                          Make 2009 the best Year ever!!