Hi there,
I'm a little late to this post, but I was just faced with the same decision. I am a freelance artist who is looking for some extra clients to supplement my income. I also work a full time job as well. I was coerced by a friend of mine that is a member of a BNI group to visit during a visitors meeting. I admit that I did very little research to what BNI is really all about, and how meetings are structured. I have to say that I was impressed and overwhelmed on the first visit. There were over 100 in attendance for the visitors meeting. During that time we each stood up and spoke for a few seconds about who we were and what services we offer The people are really nice, and very professional as someone had said.
Then I went a second time, where I joined, and the meeting was structured much the same way. The president speaks, you go around the room giving your 30 second "infomercial" about yourself, then depending on the size of the group, a couple members give 10 minute presentations on their services. Then the basket is passed around the room, and you drop in your referrals, "meetings outside meetings" forms, and any closed sales forms.
I then joined and went to my 3rd and 4th meetings, and unfortunately discovered at that time that it is not the place for me. It is the same repetition week after week. Maybe its the group I joined, but I got the feeling that these people were not interested in helping others gain business, that they were just in it for themselves and themselves only. I agree that the referrals seemed to be very "fabricated" as I had already received a few as per word of mouth at the meeting, that never amounted to even a phone call. Again, I will also have to agree that when you sit there and do not have a referral for someone, it is almost like public humiliation. I had only been a member for a week and experienced that, and I can tell you it was not a very welcoming nor pleasant thing for a brand new member.
Also, it is a lot of work on your part to find referrals for other members. Chances are if you've made it in the business this long, you have established relationships with various small businesses around you. I don't necessarily like the idea that you're "supposed" to refer the BNI members first and foremost above people you have long established relationships for. that is one thing that they seriously frown upon as well, other than mandatory attendance.
Cost is another issue. It was a good amount to join, which wouldnt be so bad for the year, but you have to pay mandatory breakfast (or lunch) dues per month which averages around $50, depending on where you're at. For some professions, this cost is easily made up, but for others not so much. I was also left with the thought that with my kind of profession, it would take a few jobs to cover the amount and come out ahead, but I wasnt so sure that it was worth it in the long road, as there are other outlets that are of no cost to get your services out there.
Again, BNI certainly works for some people, but if you're not willing to be or even willing to pretend to be the kind of person this group desires, it can be a huge expense and an experience that will leave you uncomfortable.
So, here's my overall opinion of BNI in a nutshell: BNI doesnt seem to be much of anything but a group of people who pay to give sales pitches to eachother. Why pay for membership when you can go door to door to business, and introduce yourself for free. Maybe do a small comp job to gain some trust, offer a service for half-off...something that's not going to cost you much of anything at all, and I think you would have the same benefit, without being forced.